Fixated
by somebadhat
Summary: Being lonely is starting to get to Cuddy, House picks up on this and helps in his own strange ways. R


Cuddy woke to the sound of her alarm. It was 5:00AM.

She reached out to stop the insistent beeping of the clock before lying flat on her back. Through the darkness she stared at her ceiling. She felt so empty. She didn't want to leave her bed and go to the hospital even though the hospital was really all she had. Cuddy was without a husband and childless. At her age she couldn't see herself finding a man to spend the rest of her life with. She had already tried her hardest to conceive a child through IVF injections and sperm donors but that had been a downright failure.

Maybe Cuddy wasn't meant to have love in her life. Maybe all she was cut out to be was a workaholic woman who spent her days drowning herself in task after task, and her nights lonely and sometimes sleepless. Rolling over onto her side, she tucked her hand under cheek and looked at the empty half of her bed. The pillow was in the same spot it always was, looking hardly disturbed. She ran her fingertips across the bedding where she knew another person was meant to be.

The bareness of it pained her. She left her hand resting there just under the pillow, as if she had fallen asleep with her hand on her lover's arm. Cuddy didn't know why she found herself looking at the empty half of her bed so much. For some reason it resonated with her that her life was desolate as her bed. She couldn't stop herself from becoming fixated on it.

There was no doubt in Cuddy's mind that had she known that having a large bed meant that she would always be achingly aware of its emptiness, she wouldn't have bought a king size. Then again, when she bought the larger bed she assumed that someday she might have someone to fill that gap.

She sighed and turned back towards her nightstand, seeing the clock read 5:05. Drawing her covers back, she slowly pulled herself out of bed. Usually she would perform her regular yoga routine but this morning she just didn't feel up to it. Instead she walked to her kitchen and made breakfast for one.

At her island, she slowly munched on her food. The silence that filled the room was almost deafening. Absent mindedly she placed her bowl in her sink, only eating half of the cereal she had poured. She walked into her bedroom, stripping herself of her tank top and sweatpants. She then pulled out a low cut pink top and a tight gray skirt. As she tucked her sweater into her waistline she glanced at the clock. 5:30.

"Looks like I'll be going in to work early today." She whispered. Picking up her purse and throwing on her wool jacket, she took a look at herself in the mirror. Her hands smoothed the fabric down on her stomach. She pulled her keys out of her pocket and left for the hospital.

By the time she arrived the people from the night shift were just leaving. She smiled and said hi as she passed her employees when today she did not want to smile at all. When Cuddy was behind the closed doors of her office she didn't have to pretend for anybody. Just herself.

She spent the day making sure she was busy with one assignment after another. The key was not giving herself time to think. If she didn't think she couldn't be sad. Haggling with stuck up donors seemed to do the trick, and as she was in the middle of a conversation when House came in her office.

She ended her conversation with the donor in time before House got himself started. She busied herself with something on her desk so she wouldn't have to meet his eyes. House literally picked up on everything. He knew when someone lied, he knew when someone was trying to hide something, and Cuddy knew she was insane for thinking she could be the exception.

"I need a brain biopsy."

"Your patient isn't showing any symptoms remotely related to a neurological problem." She sighed. Keep finding something else to look at, he's probably used to this.

House started, "He-", but he stopped himself. He stared at Cuddy trying to understand what felt so off about her today.

Cuddy was typing something on her computer. She wasn't looking at House but glanced up when his sentence cut off. He was glaring at her.

"What's with the look?" She looked back down at her laptop.

"Not quite sure yet." He said, still studying her face. He obviously sensed she was upset in some way.

She raised her eyebrows suspiciously. "Okay then. Well, it's a no on the biopsy for now." She said sarcastically. "He doesn't need it."

House wasn't interested in the procedure though; he was interested in Cuddy now. He ignored Cuddy's comment.

"Why don't you want look at me?" he asked.

Cuddy met his eyes. "I'm looking at you now, is that good enough for you?"

He narrowed his eyes. "It was a question, you don't need to be so defensive."

Cuddy put her elbow on her desk and rested her forehead in her hands. "I'm not defensive, I'm tired."

"You're always tired. Tell me what's up."

She looked up at him, surprised. He didn't seem to be messing with her, he wanted to know.

"It's not important."

"So there is something?" He noted. House sat down in one of the chairs right in front of Cuddy's desk. He put his cane between his legs and rested his hands on the hook. House wasn't going anywhere. Cuddy breathed a huff of air.

"I have work to do." Cuddy didn't really have any work though. She'd burned through it all earlier and now she was giving herself petty tasks to do. House was planted his chair though. He was having a stare down with Cuddy before he pushed over her cup of pens and pencils with his cane. They spilled across her desk. She glared at him.

"Get out of my office, House."

"No."

"Why does it matter to you?"

"I'm curious by nature." He countered.

Cuddy groaned. She doubted if she told House he would really go away. If anything he would continue to pester her. He always wanted more. Cuddy leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms just under her breasts.

"It's my bed." She said.

"Your… bed." He said.

"Yeah." She replied.

"What about your bed?" he inquired. He was obviously lost.

Cuddy hesitated. She didn't know how House would tease her or screw with her. He was constantly coming up with new and improved ways to make her miserable.

"It's empty."

House looked at her like she was crazy. "_That's_ what's on your mind? Geez, Cuddy, I thought I'd be getting something a little more interesting than that out of you."

"Then you can go now. I told you it was stupid."

"Actually, you told me it wasn't important. Completely different."

Cuddy gave House a glowering look.

"Wow, your eyes are like daggers today, huh?" he said. When Cuddy didn't answer twice he stopped screwing with her. "Really though, what's so bad about sleeping alone at night?"

"Unlike you, some people actually value human contact."

"I see value in human contact, I just don't like it." He said. It wasn't necessarily that he didn't like it, it was that he didn't know what to do about it. He was uncomfortable with people touching him because he wasn't used to it.

"It really isn't a big deal, I'm fine."

House looked at Cuddy. He looked her up and down and noticed little things here and there. Cuddy's cleavage was the first thing he noticed, but beyond that he noticed the dark circles around her eyes. And how she was still gorgeous regardless. He noticed the way her shoulders were slumped forward with, was it disappointment?

House exhaled. He really didn't want to say anything but Cuddy obviously needed a pick-me-up.

"Cuddy. You are a strong, smart, and smokin' hot. You really shouldn't be bothered by this."

Cuddy looked at House with an expression of shock. Since when has he ever been this nice to her? When she thought about it, it wasn't all that surprising though. When they had their back and forth arguments she would pretend to be annoyed out of her mind but as soon as he was gone she would smile a little bit because really it was the highlight of her day. House had his ways of flirting too, even if it seemed boisterous. Every time she caught him staring at her breasts or ogling at her ass when she wore a tight skirt she felt, well, hot. It was nice, really.

Cuddy nodded to House because she knew at this point he didn't want it to go any deeper than needed. House gave her a single nod back after a few seconds and limped out of her office.

[H] [H] [H] [H]

That night Cuddy lay in her bed. She looked over at the untouched pillow and ran her fingertips along the fabric as she often did, but this time she didn't feel bad that no one was there to share her bed with her.

She thought about what House had said to her, about her being a smart and strong woman. He was right. Cuddy didn't need a man, and there really was nothing wrong with being single. Cuddy chuckled to herself. _And you're 'smokin' hot' according to House, _she thought to herself.

Smiling to herself, she almost didn't notice the rapping at her door. It was 11:00 at night, she doubted it would be anyone but House at this hour. Cuddy realized what she was wearing was actually quite revealing, she was just in her panties with a spaghetti-strap tank top again. She picked up her red flannel robe and tied it securely around her waist. She made her way to her front door and opened it mid-knock.

House was gripping his cane halfway down its length and hitting the door with it, and stood there with it in his hand midair when the door was open.

"Hey, Cuddy."

House had a pillow tucked under his arm. Cuddy looked at it then at House questioningly.

"What do you think you're doing with that?" she pointed her finger at it.

"Slumber party." He replied. He walked past Cuddy and into her home.

"Um, I don't think so. You're not sleeping with me."

"I'm not talking about _sleeping_ with you, I just want to sleep _with_ you, in the conventional sense of the word." House actually did want to have sex with Cuddy, but now was not the time to say so. He would mention it _after_ she agreed to let him stay.

"I know, and I'm telling you no."

House pouted. "But Cuddy…"

"No, absolutely not."

"And why not? Live a little, Cuddy, I'll just be next to you for six to seven hours max." he stated. "I'm only letting you try me out for one night, anything after that I expect something in return." He winked at her.

"House-" she trailed her sentence off.

"Oh, come on Cuddy. You know you want to, don't let your moral compass get in the way." Without waiting for an answer he walked down the hallway and into her bedroom. He was walking through like all this was familiar to him.

"How do you even know-?" She sighed. "You were in my house when Alfredo fell of my roof. When you searched the place." She laughed.

House looked over his shoulder. "That was fun. I got to look at your panties."

She shook her head at House but she had the tiniest smile anyway, she couldn't help it. House tossed his pillow on her bed and began undoing his wrinkled button down to reveal a blue cotton t-shirt that he often wore to work. When he reached to unbutton his jeans though, Cuddy protested.

"What, you want me to sleep in my jeans? It's just my _boxers_, calm down." House proceeded to remove his pants and climb under the covers of her bed. Cuddy liked to keep her thermostat low so her house was cold. It was the best way to be able to snuggle up in bed. At the moment though, she didn't want to take off her robe because she wasn't wearing a bra and she didn't have shorts on. It was cold. House would be able to see plenty through her tank top.

She stepped forward to climb into her bed like that but House looked at her quizzically. "You sleep in a robe? That has got to be the most uncomfortable thing."

"Oh, um, actually I'm going to change." She walked over to her closet and pulled out a crew neck.

"I'm sure whatever you have on under the robe is fine."

"Actually it's not, it shows a little too much. I thought I was going to be home alone tonight."

"Hey, you won't hear any complaints out of me."

"I'm sure."

She pulled off her robe, and upon House seeing her half naked and braless he locked his eyes onto her curves and held his breath.

"Don't get yourself too excited." She teased him, pulling the sweatshirt over her head, covering herself up. House blinked his eyes dramatically and shook his head like he was coming out of a trance.

"Holy hell, Cuddy."

"What?" she climbed into her bed and adjusted her pillow.

House scoffed. "You know what." He said, and twisted off his side so he was lying on his back.

They stayed silent for a few minutes, not really knowing what to do in this situation. It's not every day your employee comes over to your house to just sleep. Then again, House wasn't just any old employee so the rules didn't exactly apply to him. Cuddy wasn't actually sure what they were doing.

Cuddy was oddly aware of House's breathing. She concentrated on it, listening and waiting to hear when it became regular and deep. I still hadn't. He was awake.

She felt House shift towards her. They faced each other. "How does it feel? Any different?"

Cuddy thought about it. "I'm not sure yet."

House slid his hand over and placed it on her midriff, pushing her sweatshirt up to splay his fingers on her skin.

"Your hand is on my waist."

"Yeah."

"This is very awkward."

"No it's not."

"Okay. It's not."

Cuddy let out a laugh and managed to get the smallest smirk out of House.

* * *

Tell me your thoughts please, feed my muse.

-Tiff


End file.
